Emotions

I don’t want our blog to turn into the “How’s Holly coping today?” website. I’ve realized several times this week that even if I want to talk through things, I’m still not able to talk and maintain control over my emotions. I know there are several people that genuinely care and because of my inabilities, they are relying on the blog for updates. So the blog will have to do for today.

It’s been two weeks since I delivered baby Josh. I’ve had a few ups and a lot of downs these past few weeks. It’s been hard to get back into the routine of things when so much has changed. From the moment you find out you are pregnant you start envisioning the changes to your life that new baby will bring. I didn’t think Josh had entered our lives yet, but I’m surrounded by reminders of the baby we were excited to welcome into our family. We were waiting until after we found out the gender of the baby to paint and hang curtains in the kids’ rooms. We were ordering seven chairs for our kitchen table. This summer was going to be easy-going, and free of travel so we could adjust to life with five children with the hope that we could return to Hawaii this fall as a family of seven. Everything has changed and I feel lost.

Like I mentioned for the most part I feel pretty numb. Though I still feel pretty empty I’m able to go about my day and even get some things accomplished. However, there are moments that sneak up when the numbness disappears and the emotion I feel instead makes me want the numbness back.

After missing several weeks, last week I gathered with a group of friends that get together every Monday night to watch a particular reality TV show. I thought it would be a nice distraction. The two other women that are due the same week as I was were there and I was overcome with jealousy as I looked at their cute little bellies. While I still had a belly of my own – mine was empty. To watch them continue with their pregnancies and bring healthy babies into their families is going to be so incredibly difficult.

The last four months have been really hard on me and my family. There’s no better way to appreciate ones health than to not have it for a prolonged period of time. Being nauseous and tired all the time takes its toll and during the holidays made it even more difficult. I wanted to do more for my family, and with my family, but I physically couldn’t. I made a lot of sacrifices to ensure a healthy pregnancy. It irritates me that we went through all that without any of the reward.

Monday a friend I don’t see very often asked me something about being pregnant again and that was the first time I had to vocalize to someone that we’d lost our baby. Until then I’d been able to rely on texts, emails, word of mouth, or our blog. My emotions are so unstable. I know she felt terrible as I immediately starting crying and struggled to regain composure.

I’ve discovered that I hate the word “miscarriage” – technically (as if it matters) I experienced a “intrauterine human demise”. It doesn’t sound any prettier, but when someone hears “miscarriage” it typically means sometime before 14 weeks they naturally deliver their baby and in most cases there isn’t anything humanlike to even take notice of. Whether it’s justified or not, I feel our situation is incredibly different. My body did not miscarry. My body (like my heart) did not want to let this baby go.

I don’t do pregnancy gracefully and as far as my weight is concerned I’ve always felt fine putting on whatever was necessary for a chubby little baby – I was already 20 pounds into this pregnancy (I’m pretty sure that breaks any of my previous records). Putting on a pair of maternity pants is much too depressing so it’s grubby sweat pants for me. Without the benefits of nursing I don’t know how long it will take to come off – and heaven help me please don’t mention the dreaded “E” word.

A friend casually shared she is attending a funeral this weekend. I asked who has passed away and she explained that a niece had died when she was only three days old. Can you believe I was envious of that baby’s mother? I would gladly have endured my entire pregnancy if I could have Josh for any length of time – even if only for a few minutes or a few days. To have some sort of living memory to hang onto would be such a blessing.

Thankfully, I feel love as well. I’m am so grateful for our many friends that have reached out to us. Clearly I’m not able to vocalize my thanks, but every little comment, email, or text means something to me. Just when I think people have expected us to move on we’ll receive something on our doorstop or someone will send me a little email or text. Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers.

Snow & Sand

Justin and I got back from Maui at 1am on Friday, January 27th – the same day we had our ultrasound. I’ve had people ask me how our vacation was or what we did and I want to reply, “does it really make any difference?” It seems like a lifetime ago. On the plane ride home we each typed up the summaries below of our trip – I’ve decided to leave the post as it was written, before everything changed.

This past summer Justin and I received a fabulous deal to stay five nights at the Westin Ka’anapali Ocean Resort Villas in Maui, Hawaii. We couldn’t pass up a great deal and were excited to spend a few days in one of our favorite places. I've tagged along on a few of Justin’s business trips over the years, but this was our first vacation alone without Justin having meetings and training to go to. It was much needed.

There’s no way we could have foreseen the difficulties we would experience to get us to Maui. Our vacation was to begin on Friday, January 20th. On the Sunday prior to us leaving Seattle got snow. We expected snow in Snoqualmie, but snow in Seattle is rare enough that everything shuts down at even the slightest snow accumulation. Thankfully, Monday was a holiday for the kids and they spent hours outside enjoying the winter wonderland.

We get so much wind here that we had huge drifts of snow against the fences while in some areas you could still see the grass peeking through. After the second day of snowfall there wasn’t a blade of grass to be seen.

The snow continued for days and then turned into freezing rain. The kids and I hadn't left the house all week and Justin had only gone into work on Monday. Unfortunately, the snow plows didn't bother to come up the hill to our house so the streets we're a mess.

This is our little Japanese maple covered in ice. As you can see the sidewalks were all covered in a thick layer of ice as well.

So much ice weighing heavily on the trees caused massive power outages. We lost our power early Thursday morning. Without power and internet, Justin decided to try to drive into work that morning. It took him almost a half hour just to get his car door pried open. Then he only made it half way around the block before getting himself stuck and he quickly realized he wasn't going anywhere.

That’s our fence and backyard in the lower left corner

We were able to keep the house warm enough by running our gas fireplace all day and night, but these were certainly not the conditions I wanted to leave my kids in. To make matters worse the road conditions were still dicey and Justin's mom wasn't comfortable coming to our house to stay with the kids. So here it was, Thursday night, no heat, no power, no sitter, and we're supposed to leave at 6am the next day. While I scrambled to find alternative childcare (difficult when even cell phones aren't getting reception), Justin and Abigail put the chains on the van by flashlight. By midnight we had a plan in place. I was so anxious about everything that I only slept a few hours before it was time to wake up the kids and make the trek to a friends house a few miles away who graciously offered to watch the kids until Justin's mom could pick them up. The roads in all the neighborhoods were snow pack and slick, but with chains on the van we were able to manage. I felt horrible waking the kids up so early and leaving them at someone’s house without knowing how long they would be there. The highways were clear though and we made it to the airport without any trouble. We boarded our plane and taxied the runway, but when the plane came to a stop we knew something was up. The pilot informed us he received an "unusual message" and that the mechanics needed to inspect the plane before we could take off. We waited on the plane for about a half hour and were relieved when we were finally able to get in the air. It didn't take long for our plane ride to become incredibly turbulent. I've never experienced turbulence like that before and after an emotional few days and little sleep I was unnerved. About an hour into the flight we got news from the cockpit that the "unusual message" had returned and we were heading back to Seattle. That just about did me in. I had just dropped my kids off at someone’s house for an indefinite amount of time, 100's of thousands of people (including us) were still out of power and heat... I was done. Back in Seattle we had to wait several hours to get news of the status of our flight. In the end we were told we'd leave at 1am on a new plane. In the meantime they gave us vouchers for food and let us check into a nearby hotel until we needed to be back at the airport. We debated about going to the hotel for only a few hours but taking a hot shower was much too appealing.

By 1:45am we were back in the air and headed to Maui for good. Usually I can't sleep in planes or cars, but I was emotionally and physically exhausted which allowed me a few hours of rest. We arrived in Maui at 5:30am, 15 hours later than expected. The passengers cheered and clapped as we landed. At home the kids had been safely picked up by Grandma, but remained without power. It wasn't until Saturday afternoon, after being without heat for 3 days that our power was restored. It wasn't until that moment that I was able to start my vacation and relax.

And relax we did. Usually vacations with Justin are so busy that I come home exhausted and needing a vacation from our vacation, but we didn't do much else besides relax and that was just what I needed. I was able to read the first two books in the Hunger Games series while lounging by the pool.

View of the resort from the beach, this is pool we hung out at the most

View from our room – just beyond the grass is the beach

Our resort was right on the beach. It was beautiful, the pools were amazing, and best of all we didn't see a single drop of snow or rain.

Our beach

View of the resort from the lobby

One evening we watched the sunset by Blackrock. Each night there’s a torch lighting ceremony where someone runs along the rocks lighting torches before diving into the ocean. I’m sure there’s some historical legend about it, but we didn’t catch that part.

This is also the area where Justin did most of his snorkeling. Below is his account:

I walked down the beach about a mile or so to Sheraton Black Rock to do some snorkeling while Holly sat poolside. It surprised me how little effort it takes to float in sea water. There was a good amount of coral and fish and I happened upon a good sized sea turtle as it glided to the bottom. The visibility was good so I could see him hanging out under a ledge about 25-30 feet down. I hovered at the top until he finally came up for air. He was so close I could have hugged him. The turtle swam around a bit and I just followed it around. Where is the water proof camera when you need it? Turtles have always been one of my favorites since I was a kid and would catch them in a creek and keep them at home in an aquarium or plastic pool. It was definitely a highlight to see one this trip.

While we did not do a whale watching tour, there were multiple times from shore that we could see whales surfacing. Even more fascinating was to be snorkeling and be able to hear the whales under water. It just required me to relax and listen. I am no expert but I think I was hearing both the cow and the calf. I had no clue their calls traveled through water so clearly.

We’ve been to Hawaii before and have even gone on whale watching cruises, but have never had much luck. Apparently January is the time of year for whales. You could see whales from the resort pools, walking along the beach, and even just driving down the coast.

Going to a luau is all part of the Hawaii experience. We decided on a small luau that had a great show (including a fire dancer) and didn't require us to sit with a bunch of strangers. It was right on the beach, the perfect backdrop for our evening.

Justin says the food was good. There were basically four separate meals (each consisting of 3-4 dishes) and I was unimpressed with all of them. I requested a modified-vegetarian menu (chicken only). Who likes tofu and weird healthy lettuce anyway? In the end it was worth it (I requested two dessert platters) and it was a fun evening.

We only ate one breakfast out and it was amazing! I found it on tripadvisor and the rave reviews did not disappoint. It was in a small gazebo overlooking the ocean. The white chocolate macadamia nut pancakes were spectacular. My one disappointment (and it's a big one) is that we didn't go back before we left for home.

Clearly food is very important to me. It brings me joy and typically plays a significant role in our outings. We tried not to eat out much though since we had a kitchen in our room. Another little tripadvisor find was the Ulhulani Shaved Ice shop. The ice was so fine, the flavors so yummy, and the macadamia nut ice cream on the bottom was divine.

Prior to the trip the only excursion we talked about doing was watching the sunrise from the top of Haleakala. After the sunrise you get to bike down the mountain. This was our third trip to Maui and it's always been something we've wanted to do, but haven't been able to because I've been pregnant each of the three times we've traveled to Maui. Of course I would have loved to join Justin, but no thrill is worth taking any chances something could happen.

Below is Justin’s account from his trip to Haleakala.

Haleakala is the "house of the sun". In Hawaiian folklore, the depression at the summit of Haleakalā was home to the grandmother of the demigod Maui. According to the legend, Maui’s grandmother helped him capture the sun and force it to slow its journey across the sky in order to lengthen the day. When I was a teenager, an early morning drive from sea level to 10,023 feet was not an excursion I desired to make. However a sunrise trip to Haleakala and a bike trip down has long since made it to my bucket list. Well, if I had a bucket list this would have been on it.

The day started with a 2:45 am pickup time which sure came early. Guided bike tours are required to start at the lower elevation so on the way up our tour guides dropped off the trailer full of bikes at about 6,500 feet elevation. We stepped out of the van to stretch our legs and it seemed about as cold as the snowpocalypse we left behind in Seattle. Who would have known it could be that cold in Hawaii? The guides gave us an extra coat, gloves, pants and a beanie to keep warm. I don't know that I have ever seen so many stars in the sky. As we arrived at the lower viewing area, I could just see a glimmer of color on the horizon. With the aid of flashlights we hiked to a higher spot that seemed to be less crowded. The clouds and vog (what the locals term the smog produced by the big island volcano) filled the horizon about 3,000 feet below. While we waited for the sun to rise, I visited with a couple from Utah and a 6'9 New Zealander working a yacht in Monaco. It was really amazing to see the colors in the sky as the sun crept over the horizon and then to see the ball of fire almost jump out of the clouds. With the light filling the sky I could see portions of the 7x2 mile crater. The view reminded me of the rim at Mt. St. Helens. I took a bunch of pictures but don't think they really do justice for what I saw.

With the sun burning bright, it was time to head back to the van. We drove down to about 6,500 feet elevation (there was frost in the grass) for the start of a 25 mile bike ride...my kind of ride...pretty much all downhill, lots of switchbacks descending down to 200 feet. Very little pedaling required especially for me as my weight just pushed me down the mountain. Probably the most relaxing and enjoyable ride I have been on.

The tour ended with a good breakfast at a golf course near Kahalui. Next time I hope to do some hiking in the crater. This was the third time Holly and I had been to Maui together and the third time she was pregnant so unfortunately she got to sleep in. Hopefully next time we will enjoy the sunrise together.

Of all the places we have taken our family – Maui has been our favorite family vacation. There were so many times during the week we thought about how much fun it would be to have the kids with us (though a trip without kids is nice every so often as well). Hawaiian Airlines gave each of us a $300 credit toward a future flight because of all the delays we experienced. Hopefully that means we’ll be able to return to Maui with the whole family soon.

When Hello is Good-bye

I have no idea where to begin.

We delivered our baby boy on Wednesday, February 1^st. It was an incredibly difficult day physically and emotionally – we expected nothing less.

Last Sunday night our bishop came over to visit with me and Justin. To be honest I was doubtful that he would be any help and thought it would be uncomfortable to speak to someone we hardly know about something so personal and emotional. Instead we found comfort in his words and counsel. He gave me a priesthood blessing that was so filled with the love and understanding of our Heavenly Father that the three of us were in tears. Justin and I connected that evening and felt a closeness to each other that we hadn’t in the previous few days.

On Tuesday we met with the perinatologist and informed him we had decided on the induction. It was not an easy decision. I knew that a labor and delivery would be the hardest procedure short-term, but my hope was that it would be the best decision for me in the long run. He was very supportive and took his time going over all the risks involved and answering our questions and concerns. Before heading home he inserted four dialators into my cervix to prepare my body for the induction the following morning. Thankfully, the cramping the dialators caused was tolerable and I didn’t feel too uncomfortable throughout the day/night.

We checked into Swedish Hospital in Seattle at 7am on Wednesday morning. Our room was on the labor and delivery floor, but separated from the other patients. Even though there were 21 other mothers in labor not once did we hear the cries of a healthy newborn baby and there was never any confusion as to our situation.

Once the IV was in place we met the perinatologist that would be delivering our baby. He reminded me of my doctor that delivered Carly, Jason, and Katie, but without any of the humor or friendliness. I suppose when you specialize in high-risk pregnancies and see loss after loss you learn to be pretty impersonal. Our nurse Leslie was an answer to our prayers. I knew I needed a nurse with just the right amount of compassion and professionalism. I wish I could properly convey how much she helped us through that day. Not only was she our nurse, but she was our friend, our therapist, and our rock. She was such a blessing.

At 9am the medication that would induce labor was inserted and the contractions began. We had a few different options for pain relief and decided it would be best to get an epidural. Being as averse to pain as I am I was grateful for whatever medication we could get to make things easier.

At 1pm it was time for my second dose of labor-inducing meds. Less than 5 minutes after they were inserted and the dialators were removed I started bleeding heavily. Leslie paged the doctor and we delivered our son within minutes of the doctors arrival. Justin was standing at my side and became emotional as he saw our little guy for the first time. In the days leading up to the delivery Justin wasn’t sure he wanted to see the baby yet I’d hoped that he would be the one who would be able to tell me if I could handle seeing our little guy. Justin reassured me that the baby looked perfectly normal. The baby was taken across the room while the doctor tried to remove the placenta. I was bleeding heavily and it quickly became clear that our situation was becoming critical. The doctor had the nurse start a PIT drip and he paged another doctor to come assist him while he prepared for an emergency D&E to remove the placenta. We knew one of the risks of delivering this early is there is that there is a 25% chance that the placenta would not deliver and a D&E would be required to remove the placenta. What a blessing it was that the epidural was already in place and the anesthesiologist was nearby and could administer additional medication. Things happened so quickly as the room filled with people trying to get the situation under control. I laid there staring up at the lights as tears streamed down my face. I remembered the overwhelming joy we felt at the moment Katie was born. My heart ached as I thought of our son, wrapped in a blanket, lying lifeless across the room. Of all those people in that room, nobody was needed to care for him.

The D&E was uncomfortable. The scraping sounds of the instruments were terrible. I was grateful for it to be over and for everyone to leave the room so we could see our baby boy. He was tiny, but perfect. We studied all of his little features. His hands were about the size of my fingernail, but you could see each little knuckle and fingernail. Seeing all of his little joints was amazing – his elbows, ribs, knees, ankles, shoulder blades. I wanted to nuzzle my face into the little crook of his neck and soak in every little bit of him. I worried his face would look alien-esc, but instead his sweet little face was comforting and calming. He looked like he was peacefully sleeping. What a comfort it was for me to hold his little hand. I held him for a long while trying to etch every little detail into my mind. Holding his tiny little body brought us peace.

Handing him over to Leslie wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. We knew this was only his body and that his spirit was home with our Heavenly Father. I have no doubt that going through the delivery was the best procedure for us. I would never think less of someone for choosing the surgery, I had chosen it myself, but for me personally I couldn’t have faced this loss any other way.

It took a long time for the epidural to wear off of my right side so we didn’t get discharged from the hospital until after 8pm that night. The hospital was quiet as they helped me out to our car in a wheelchair. My heart ached as we walked through those halls and instead of a baby on my lap I held a small white box containing his footprints and a few other small items of memorabilia.

Physically I am doing pretty well. I’m off all the medications I had to take and no longer have to take the crazy pain meds that knocked me out. It’s hard to have to deal with all the same discomfort and yucky after birth stuff without any of the joy. Emotionally, I feel pretty numb most of the time. In a way that’s a blessing, but the despair seems to sneak up on me when I’m least prepared for it.

The kids are doing much better. I have no doubt this experience will be one the older kids remember for their entire lives. We are encouraging them to talk to us about it anytime and ask us any questions they have – the most frequent questions they’ve asked is whether we will have another baby and if we will name this baby. While we can’t answer the first question, we did decide that it would be best to give our baby a name. Justin and I decided on baby Josh. Honestly, I can’t say I’ve called him Josh much, if at all – for me it makes it harder, but I know giving him a name will be best for our family and I hope it will help us as we grieve his loss.

I’m so grateful for our friends and family that have helped us out and offered their support and encouragement. We’ve received beautiful flowers, yummy treats and meals, and many thoughtful cards and messages. We have felt the prayers in our behalf and know that we couldn’t have gotten through that day without our Heavenly Father. One of the things our bishop had mentioned to us was that the atonement isn’t just for sin. He told us we can place our trials and heartache into our Savior’s hands and He will ease our pain. We know this to be true and have felt His love and strength.

Me and my five kiddos

Heartbreak

Friday afternoon was our much anticipated ultrasound – I was 19 weeks. Justin and I met at the hospital and he was clearly anxious and excited to find out if we were having a boy or girl. You would have guessed he was a first time father. While we were waiting in the lobby they called me up to the front desk, Justin jumped up and followed me thinking they were ready for us (they only needed a copy of my insurance card). I too was excited, but I was more nervous. I just wanted to hear that our baby was growing and developing as he/she should. I was relieved to see our baby on the monitor in perfect form. As the technician took measurements I saw the head, a round little belly, ten little fingers and toes. But then I commented that I wasn’t seeing much movement. She continued taking a few more measurements then turned to me and told me there wasn’t a heartbeat. I swear I thought she was joking and the words nearly came out of my mouth, but then it hit me. We’d lost our baby.

While we waited for the specialist to speak to us, the technician asked if we wanted pictures, which I immediately knew I needed to have. He looked perfectly healthy. The specialist performed a quick ultrasound to verify what we all already knew and then started talking about our options. I’m too far along to perform a D&C so we were given two options. We could have a more involved surgery where I would be completely under while they remove the baby or we could be induced. I’m sure he went over all the pros/cons of both options, but I remember very little. When we left the hospital we had decided on having the surgery. Since I would be completely under he described it as less physically and emotionally difficult. It is also, by far, the quickest option. Laboring tends to take a long time since my body is nowhere close to being ready for labor. I couldn’t imagine going through all that to deliver a baby we don’t get to take home, it sounded unbearable. I also worried that seeing our baby at such a young gestation would be more traumatizing than helpful.

The kids were anxiously waiting with a babysitter at home for news. There was no way to hide my despair, I was a mess. To spare the babysitter from an awkward situation we called her mother and asked if she could meet Justin at the house and take her home. When I got home the kids immediately knew something was wrong. Dealing with my own heartbreak is hard enough, but watching your kids suffer is equally difficult. We struggled to answer their questions, not knowing many of the answers ourselves. That night I laid with Carly as she cried herself to sleep.

This weekend has been rough. Not only do I have to come to accept our loss, but deciding which option is going to be the best for me seems impossible. As I thought about having the surgery I couldn’t put aside the image that they would be removing the baby’s perfect little body piece by piece. It sounded so gruesome, though I knew there was no life there to destroy. Most miscarriages happen naturally much earlier in pregnancy, which of course carries the same sense of loss, but me, of all indecisive people, shouldn’t have to make a decision of which painful and traumatic method we will have to take to conclude this pregnancy. It seems so unfair. If the end result wasn’t going to be a plump little baby to love and raise, why endure five months of sickness and difficulty functioning on a daily basis. If I had to be counted among the women who’d lost babies I wanted to be among the ones that lost in the first month or so. I realized I needed to speak to someone who had experienced this. Losing a baby in the second trimester is rare and even more so when the body continues believing it is pregnant. Thankfully, a good friend was able to get me in touch with someone who has unfortunately experienced both the surgery and an induction/delivery. What I’d hoped was that someone, anyone, could tell me what was best for me. Of course, that didn’t happen, but I found it incredibly helpful to have someone that could not only empathize with me, but could understand my pain and heartbreak.

I know every expectant mother worries about something going wrong, but never before have thoughts over our baby’s wellbeing been more present than during this pregnancy. I asked Justin not to tell any of his co-workers we were expecting until after we’d found out the gender and were comfortably in the second trimester. I was hesitant to include the little blurp in our Christmas letter about having a baby in June. For months I have done my best to keep my bulging belly hidden by wearing large jackets and sweatshirts everyday. I’ve withheld from posting any detailed thoughts and feelings on the blog. Justin and I talked about taking Abigail and Carly to the ultrasound, but I didn’t want them there just in case things didn’t go well. Of course I kept all these concerns to myself and dismissed them as the usual motherly-worry. My worries in no way lessened my excitement and desire for this little one to join our family. I’ve taken every precaution to ensure a happy ending. I was only seven weeks long when we went to Disneyland and even though my doctor said I’d be fine to go on any of the rides, I kept to the kiddie-rides. In Hawaii last week I wouldn’t take any chances and stayed back at the hotel while Justin watched the sunrise from the top of Haleakala and biked down the mountain on his own. This baby was wanted and loved.

My emotions are so raw. Poor Justin is beside himself not knowing how to deal with a wife that is no longer impenetrable. I hesitate to share the details of this experience on the blog, but knowing that it’s our loved ones that read this I decided to post my thoughts. I’m not sure I have the capacity to share them any other way. I’ve known of a few women that have suffered miscarriages this past year and have read about their experiences and grief. People have miscarriages all the time. Of course I’ve always felt compassion for them, but inevitably chalked it up to just one of the many heartaches we all endure in life. I don’t see the light at the end of this, though I’m hopeful it’s out there somewhere. Unfortunately, things will only become more difficult as this week progresses. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we face this week and the grieving process to follow.

Double Digits!

(I'm not sure why these pictures looks so splotchy, but they'll have to do for now)

Last Thursday my baby girl turned 10!

After working late for the last couple weeks it was nice to have Justin stay home that morning so we could have a yummy birthday breakfast together. Pancakes, sausage, and homemade cinnamon rolls.

Abigail was excited to come home from school that afternoon and see the birthday cake I had made.

I’m pretty proud of that cake, but even more proud of my awesome daughter.

Grandma Fletcher joined us at Red Robin for dinner that night and then we came home for dessert with cousins. First there were presents to open from Grandma and Grandpa Fletcher – I love how excited everyone always is to gather around.

We sang Happy Birthday to the birthday girl and then she attempted to blow out all those candles.

I typically stick with chocolate cake since that’s my favorite, but this time I tried something entirely different by making a Neapolitan cake. I thought it tasted great and it was a fun surprise to cut into.

Abigail has been looking forward to having a birthday party for months and did most of the planning herself. What was strange for me is that of the eight friends that came I only knew 3 or 4. (Which made it a bit tricky when parents came to pick them up and we had no idea who belonged to who.) Abigail really wanted to invite some of her friends from Auburn, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask those parents to make that drive especially late at night. We had a great group of girls though and it was nice to meet some of her friends from school. We live in an entirely different city than most of the kids she goes to school with.

(Birthday guests minus a friend and cousin that came late)

We called it a “late night” party and invited everyone to come in their pj’s. Justin was insistent on a 6-10pm time. I thought four hours would be pretty insane and difficult to fill with entertaining activities, especially when guests started arriving a half hour early (who does that?), but it actually went by really quickly and we didn’t even get to everything we had planned.

The highlight of the evening was playing a few Minute To Win It games. We tried the Oreo game where they had to wiggle an Oreo from their foreheads into their mouths without hands – nobody was able to do it, but we did have a few able to touch it with their tongues.

Another favorite was sorting skittles into cups – they could only do one skittle at a time and they had to go in order. It’s harder than it sounds.

Thanks to a good friend I was able to put together a last minute crafty card project the girls could work on. We ate pizza, played more fun games, and had a gift exchange where each girl got to take home a small little gift.

At the end of the evening the girls watched Smurfs and ate treats and popcorn til they couldn’t eat another thing.

By the time the last guest left (she stayed til 10:45) we were all exhausted and went straight to bed. I think everyone had fun. I know for certain the birthday girl had a great time and felt as special as she is.

Christmas Break

I always look forward to time at home with my family. Christmas break consisted of 13 school-free days – we were grateful to have Justin home 10 of those days, which was wonderful.

This morning (our first day back to school) came far too early when Katie woke up at 6:30am! Justin and I have this running joke that the kids always sleep in when he’s home – seriously, why did she choose today of all mornings? (I suppose it didn’t help that I was out with some gals in the ward last night until after 11pm, way past my early-pregnancy-bedtime)

Here are a few things we did (or didn’t do) over Christmas break:

The kids had a sleepover in Jason’s room one night. I was a bit concerned how crazy that would be, but the kids were fast asleep by 8:30pm.

The majority of the other nights the girls camped out on their floor often in make shift beanbags (large blankets filled with stuffed animals).

Staying in our pajamas 80% of the break. Last night we reminded the kids they would have school the next morning and Jason replied, “So I’ll have to get dressed?”

The repairs on our kitchen floors were finished on Christmas Eve-Eve after three weeks and several days without a dishwasher. The coloring is a little off though so I may have to arrange a little follow-up.

We experienced wind so strong on several nights that I had trouble sleeping and kept expecting our bedroom window to burst. We thought Auburn was windy, but that was nothing compared to what we get here.

A late night donut run for Justin and the girls – half price at Krispy Kreme after 9pm

Of course there was lots of playing with new toys

Abigail was Carly’s secret sibling this year and wanted to get Carly a sand art kit. I immediately said no – what mother wants to deal with sand in the house? But when Abigail couldn’t think of anything else I broke down and let her get it. Carly was nice enough to let Jason join in on the fun.

Abigail has given many a bracelet kit to friends and wanted one for herself. I think she chose the hardest bracelet to start with, but she’s enjoying the process.

Jason scored this year. Not only did he get tracks for his cars from Santa and Grandma, but his cousin Haden gave him a Geo-Track set that he didn’t want anymore. One of Jason’s preschool friends has Geo-Tracks and Jason is always excited when preschool is at their house so he can play with it.

Jason also received Cars 2 and Ice Age from Grandma and Grandpa Fletcher. So during the break we had an Ice Age marathon.

Jason and Katie crack up when they watch these movies so Justin set up the video camera when we were watching the third Ice Age so we could capture it on film.

As you can hear Katie is quite persistent when it comes to getting her Dad’s attention – she can be such a Daddy’s girl and she loved having him home so much these past few weeks.

We had a fun afternoon with friends eating pizza and playing games.

Spending all day on New Years Eve shopping – Justin had an urge to make a purchase and it was the last day to recognize any expenses in 2011. After 7 hours of shopping, with four children in tow, we came home with a rug for the entryway. It’s very traditional looking, which isn’t necessarily my style, but it was 80% off, then an additional 20% off so I think it may grow on me. Katie liked it immediately.

Bringing in 2012 with Justin, eastern time (the kids had long been tucked in bed). We had full intentions on hosting some sort of get together and even purchased bubbly for the occasion, but when it came down to it we decided to keep things low key.

With the New Year came a new and much better suited church time of 11am – I’m going to love getting to sleep in.

I went into our break with a long list of things I wanted to get done while Justin was around. As you can imagine little, if anything, got accomplished. Which blows my mind because we didn’t do much of anything at all, but we managed to enjoy it nevertheless.

Christmas Day

Our Christmas was wonderful. We told the kids they could get up anytime after 7am. We still had church at 9am so we knew we’d only have time for stockings and Santa gifts before having to get ready for church. I woke up several times in the early a.m. hours and finally got up so I could get partially ready for church before the kids got up. The girls were ready to head downstairs as soon as the clock read 7am and with that we woke up Jason and headed downstairs to see what Santa had left us.

Santa, as usual, didn’t disappoint.

Abigail got her new DS game and Carly a set of squinkies. There wasn’t a train track under the tree for Jason, but he got an awesome Hot Wheels super jump track.

Isn’t it typical that Katie was much more interested in the orange in her stocking than anything else? Santa brought her some fun wooden food to play with and a small etch-a-sketch.

I thought it was very fitting to go to church on Christmas Day. It was great to listen to Christmas music and hear messages focused on our Savior and the true meaning of Christmas. However the 9am start time is too early for me on any Sunday – especially on Christmas morning.

The kids were eager to get home, change back into their jammies, and delve into all the Christmas gifts under the tree. I was so excited to watch the kids open their presents. They each received the perfect gifts for them. They didn’t get anything huge, but we did venture a little beyond the $10 and under prices of years past and got them some things that we knew they would love. Since my Mom is serving a mission in Hong Kong she sent money for each of us with strict guidelines that it must be spent on Christmas gifts. Spending other people’s money is so much more fun.

One of the gifts my Mom got the girls was new trendy watches.

Abigail also got boots that she’s wanted for well over a year.

Carly loves the fuzzy jacket she got from Grandma and Val.

Jason got more Hot Wheels tracks and a Cars sleeping bag from my Mom. It’s was so fun to watch him open his presents. Everything was so exciting.

All of the kids got some new clothes that were desperately needed.

Later that afternoon we headed to Grandma and Grandpa Fletchers for more Christmas fun. What are the chances that both Abigail and Hallie had received the same jacket for Christmas?

Grandma had little metal lunch pails for each of the kids full of goodies – mini webkinz, pillowpet key chains, books, candy, etc…

Before we even started opening presents the Fletcher men were already worn out from all the excitement.

I love that Katie automatically gives anyone a huge smile when she sees them with a camera. When we were walking around the lights on Christmas Eve someone was taking pictures and Katie looked right at them and gave them a big smile and then just stood there waiting for them to take a picture of her.

Then the massive present opening began.

I enjoyed sitting back and watching everyone open their gifts and did a terrible job taking pictures the rest of the evening. Let’s just say the kids were thrilled with their many gifts. They had a great time with their cousins and grandparents and went home very happy!